A few months back a friend once told me, ‘there will always be time’. My heart dropped once he said those words, I tried hard not to roll my eyes and fought back a couple of tears. I just nodded politely, said ‘ok’ and moved on. I was a firm believer of that saying, ‘maybe next time’ I always said to myself but then the unexpected happens…she passed away. I am completely out of time.
I remember the morning my little sister called me with the news, like it happened yesterday. I know those 4 am calls are not good. As I struggled to pack a bag and find the first flight out, I didn’t really hit me until I was waiting in line to get through security.
She’s gone. Just like that. My mom had passed away.
She was battling Lupus for the past 3-4 years and I do admit we did not have the greatest relationship since the parents split. After years of not seeing her, I finally worked up the courage to visit her during my youngest sister first communion. I knew we were both nervous but she hugged me and we talked for a bit.
I knew we needed to finally put our differences aside and talk about but both of us were stubborn and not wanting to make the first move. I finally decided to swallow my pride and just go, I planned to visit during Labor Day weekend and really try work things out. I did not mention any of these to many just in case things did go south.
The week before my trip, I get the call. Standing in line for security a wave of emotions came over me and I just broke down in tear, in front of everyone. As I walked through the line to my gate and sat down, I couldn’t stop thinking, I ran out time to make things right again.
I ran out of time to really listen to her side of things and finally make sense of it and move on.
I ran out of time to build a relationship a mother and daughter should’ve had since the beginning.
I just ran out of time.
I do believe time is what you make of it not how much time you have. Because none of this matters now, all that does matter is what I make of it – Strengthening the bonds with my siblings and the rest of my family because honestly time can be taken away at any time, make it count.